Better and not Bitter

Did you escape the pain? Have you had time to reflect on where it all went wrong? Don’t be bitter, or be angry and above all, do not hold a grudge. 

1 John 4:11-13(NLT)
“Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us.”

I got out of a relationship with someone that I thought was a really good guy. He loved the Lord, preached on Sunday at times and was a really good father to his children. We loved each other but after about a year together, the relationship took a turn. His love became painful – his insecurity would rear its ugly head if he called and couldn’t reach me. Manipulation was how he handled pain and I was just not willing to remain in a place where hurt and pain became the constant, instead of love.

I left this man, and it was indeed a difficult break-up. I was truly committed to him and the relationship. It took months before I could even think about him without shedding a tear, but I endured the pain, because I’ve lived long enough to know that trouble doesn’t last always. When we face heartache and trouble, God tells us exactly how to handle it. In Romans 12:12(NLT), His Word tells us, “Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” Instead of letting myself become bitter, I followed the Lord’s commandment.

As I busied myself, going on with my life, I happened to see this man in passing one day, and before I knew it, I had given him a smile. It was not forced or fake but came from a place that the love of God had created in me. He emailed me and said he was so happy to see me, but he said he was even more happy to see the smile I had given him. He thought I hated him.

James 1:2-4(NLT) tells us, “2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” God wants us to get to a place where we are not dependent on a person to do for us what only God can do. Heavenly Father is the Source of our joy, not a person.

If a relationship is harming us, it’s harming our relationship with God. He will give us the strength to let it go. One thing I know to be true, time causes us to forget some wounds, but only the love of God can truly heal them. Just as 1John 4:11 tells, because of God’s love for us, we should be able to love one another. Even if we want to hold a grudge or be angry for a lifetime, our growth in the Spirit of Christ will not allow us to do this. We can let go and be better and not bitter, and we’ll be so much stronger for it.

Pray and ask God to give you a new heart, and let His love blanket all your pain, as only He can.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Run Towards the Light, and Never Look Back

 

 

 

“I’m to blame. It’s all my fault. My life is a mess!” This is what we say to ourselves sometimes. It’s negative self-talk. We need to let it go, so we can forgive ourselves and be healed through Jesus Christ!

 

Isaiah 40:29(NLT)“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.” 

Admittedly, running away is not always the best answer, but sometimes it is the only solution that will keep you and your family safe. For me personally, getting away from an abusive husband was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to tackle. I didn’t think I had the strength to do it, and I had no clue how I’d make it; but I don’t regret for one second my decision to run away from darkness. It’s the advice I would give any person facing domestic violence and abuse, to run towards the light and never look back.

 

I don’t proclaim to know it all, but I do know that God never meant for any of His children to be subjected to pain and abuse on any level. He tells us in 1Corinthians 13:4-5(NLT), “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” It’s wonderful that our Heavenly Father has placed this wisdom in His Word for us. Loving others with a Christ-kind of love is God’s goal for every person, because this is a love that is real and true. We don’t have to speculate as to how a Godkind of love should operate. We have the definitive Word on the subject from our Heavenly Father.

 

1John 4:8(NLT) says, “But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” Love is kind and gentle, because this is our Father’s nature. 1John 1:5(NLT) tells us, “This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.” Our God is light, and we can run into His loving arms. He will rescue and protect us because Isaiah 40:29(NLT) says, “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.”

 

Those who want to control us want to also steal our power. They want us to continue feeling powerless, but we don’t have to succumb to this. Instead, we must put our trust and faith in God. We want so desperately to believe that the person that confesses to love us will not continue to hurt us. We go back to them time and time again, but we need to wake up and stop taking the abuser’s Word over God’s Word. No one can love and protect us like Heavenly Father, and He deserves our trust.

Abuse is not love. It is a way for the devil to steal your power by using someone close to you. Instead of giving your power to the enemy, use your strength to get to a safe place so you can do what is best for you and your children. Run towards the light of God’s love and power, and never look back. ■

 

 

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

 

 

There’s A Difference Between the Two

Does your husband say, “I love you”, and within the hour use words you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy? Confused about whether to stay or leave? You know the answer already…trust God and make a change for the better.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

One summer, my mother flew up to see my sister and me. She hadn’t seen us since the Christmas before and wanted to visit with us a few days. I had been dating a man for a couple of years and my mom said she noticed a difference in me. She asked a question that has stuck with me all these years. “Kim, do you like him?” she asked. I thought it was an odd question since my mom knew I had been in a long-term relationship with this man for a while. I said, “I love him, Mom.” She replied, “That’s not what I asked you. There’s a difference between loving someone and liking them.” It was such a simple question she had posed, but her clarification of what it meant was very deep, and I had never thought about the answer. I had never confronted the reality that there is a difference between the two, like and love; I thought they went hand in hand.

I didn’t know it at the time, but my mom’s question set me on a trajectory. It would ultimately shape how I determine whether a relationship is right for me. 1Corinthians 13 is known to many as the love chapter, because in this chapter, God tells us what love is. He defines how love behaves and what it should look like. God’s definition of love is different from that ooey gooey, sappy stuff we sometimes associate with romance. Don’t get me wrong, it’s exciting to experience those feelings, but real love is more than feelings. Real love is the love of God that is expressed through a person who knows, honors, and practices God’s Word. Real love is God’s love, and it must always be our barometer for judging if someone can love us the way God wants us to be loved.

How can you say you love someone if you’re physically attacking them and belittling them in the most heinous way? I asked myself this question while I was in an abusive relationship, but I ignored the answer. Sure, we had a lot of good times, but the bad times began to far out-weigh the good. 

As I continued in my relationship, the answer to the question my mom asked me began to make so much sense. I realized that I didn’t like this man at all. He was mean. He was sometimes disrespectful to his mother, and he was disrespectful to me. He didn’t even like himself, so I never stood a chance. If he was in a bad mood, everything and everyone around him experienced the wrath of it. I’m thankful that Heavenly Father gave me a revelation of what real love is, and if you ask Him, He’ll give you one too.

Love is patient, kind, gentle, not irritable or resentful and doesn’t rejoice in wrongdoing…huh – I didn’t have any of these. I wanted a relationship that embodies God’s love, so I made a change.  

If you’re dating someone or currently in a relationship, take the time to evaluate how he treats others; people in his family and even strangers. This can be a yardstick for how he will treat you. Is he quick to get upset? Does he treat his parents well? Has he demonstrated that he places your well-being above his own? Because if he does, he will never put his hands on you in a violent way.

2Timothy 1:7(NKJV) says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” A sound mind is a mind that is capable of making good judgments and right decisions. If you’re reading this, you have one. You must know that a person with a sound mind understands that there are some people you simply must love from a distance. You can’t like someone that abuses you, but it may take a revelation from God to realize this. Heavenly Father loves us, and He will show us that love doesn’t hurt. It protects, is patient and kind, and it is not irritable. This is the kind of love you deserve.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Only With the Help of God!

Have you been feeling like you can’t take it anymore – Are you thinking like life has dealt you the wrong hand – Does it feel like God has abandoned you and everyone else too? Trust me, I’ve been there and back too many times to count…You’re Not Alone!

1 Corinthians 13:7-8(NLT) “7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”

I was driving home one day after work to meet my husband. Within the span of 30 minutes, he had called at least ten times to check up on me. He knew I left at 4pm every day, and if I wasn’t pulling up in the driveway by 4:30pm, I was sure to hear his mouth. I naively thought this was his way of showing his love. The real truth is that he was so insecure within himself that it blocked his ability to truly trust me. 

At that time in my life, I believed I had a good relationship with God, but for the life of me I couldn’t understand why He had allowed me to be married to such an insecure man. The mental and emotional pressure of having someone on my back every day about my whereabouts was way too taxing on me…I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I found myself dreading to come home.

If my husband was home when I arrived, he’d drill me about my day for the first ten minutes. It became a very tense thing for me because I had to be so careful not to say anything that would lead to more questions and accusations. I was always on pins and needles, never knowing if the simplest statement I’d make would anger him to the point of physically attacking me. Pain, fear, and insecurity became my companions for the duration of our marriage.

I remember reading the passage in 1Corinthians 13:7-8 which teaches us about how love behaves. At first, it made me very sad to read this passage, because I didn’t have this kind of love in my marriage. As I thought about it more, I became so angry with myself for having married this man, but I refused to give up hope. Heavenly Father doesn’t stop us from making the choices we want to make, but He has given us His Word so we can walk in His wisdom and learn to make better choices.

It took a while, but I began reading more and more of God’s Word, and did so whenever I found myself in despair. His love kept me going. My appeal to anyone going through what I described is that you never give up hope in God through the Lord Jesus Christ. It was only with the help of God that I made it through an abusive marriage. Know that He will do the same for you. Continue to pray, and He will give you the strength you need. Never stop believing in the dream of a life of peace and wholeness. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.