There’s A Difference Between the Two

Does your husband say, “I love you”, and within the hour use words you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy? Confused about whether to stay or leave? You know the answer already…trust God and make a change for the better.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

One summer, my mother flew up to see my sister and me. She hadn’t seen us since the Christmas before and wanted to visit with us a few days. I had been dating a man for a couple of years and my mom said she noticed a difference in me. She asked a question that has stuck with me all these years. “Kim, do you like him?” she asked. I thought it was an odd question since my mom knew I had been in a long-term relationship with this man for a while. I said, “I love him, Mom.” She replied, “That’s not what I asked you. There’s a difference between loving someone and liking them.” It was such a simple question she had posed, but her clarification of what it meant was very deep, and I had never thought about the answer. I had never confronted the reality that there is a difference between the two, like and love; I thought they went hand in hand.

I didn’t know it at the time, but my mom’s question set me on a trajectory. It would ultimately shape how I determine whether a relationship is right for me. 1Corinthians 13 is known to many as the love chapter, because in this chapter, God tells us what love is. He defines how love behaves and what it should look like. God’s definition of love is different from that ooey gooey, sappy stuff we sometimes associate with romance. Don’t get me wrong, it’s exciting to experience those feelings, but real love is more than feelings. Real love is the love of God that is expressed through a person who knows, honors, and practices God’s Word. Real love is God’s love, and it must always be our barometer for judging if someone can love us the way God wants us to be loved.

How can you say you love someone if you’re physically attacking them and belittling them in the most heinous way? I asked myself this question while I was in an abusive relationship, but I ignored the answer. Sure, we had a lot of good times, but the bad times began to far out-weigh the good. 

As I continued in my relationship, the answer to the question my mom asked me began to make so much sense. I realized that I didn’t like this man at all. He was mean. He was sometimes disrespectful to his mother, and he was disrespectful to me. He didn’t even like himself, so I never stood a chance. If he was in a bad mood, everything and everyone around him experienced the wrath of it. I’m thankful that Heavenly Father gave me a revelation of what real love is, and if you ask Him, He’ll give you one too.

Love is patient, kind, gentle, not irritable or resentful and doesn’t rejoice in wrongdoing…huh – I didn’t have any of these. I wanted a relationship that embodies God’s love, so I made a change.  

If you’re dating someone or currently in a relationship, take the time to evaluate how he treats others; people in his family and even strangers. This can be a yardstick for how he will treat you. Is he quick to get upset? Does he treat his parents well? Has he demonstrated that he places your well-being above his own? Because if he does, he will never put his hands on you in a violent way.

2Timothy 1:7(NKJV) says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” A sound mind is a mind that is capable of making good judgments and right decisions. If you’re reading this, you have one. You must know that a person with a sound mind understands that there are some people you simply must love from a distance. You can’t like someone that abuses you, but it may take a revelation from God to realize this. Heavenly Father loves us, and He will show us that love doesn’t hurt. It protects, is patient and kind, and it is not irritable. This is the kind of love you deserve.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.