About five years ago, I heard about a woman who was doing some extraordinary things in her community and church, and I had to know more. Now, having pulled off my own share of events, I know a little something about what it takes to bring a vision to life. Everybody is all in when the idea is fresh, the excitement is high, and the talking is good. But when it's time to show up, roll up your sleeves, and help carry the load? That's when you find out who's really in your corner and who's just cheering from the sidelines!
This woman had set her sights on putting on a Christian fashion show that could rival anything you'd see in New York City. And she wasn't doing it just to put on a good show, either. She wanted to raise money for a local women's shelter. She reached out to designers in the area, including some well-known names, and set out to make this thing happen. So, when I heard that half of the designers had pulled out, I wondered how in the world she was going to pull it off. But let me tell you something: this woman was not about to let a few setbacks shut down what she had set out to do. She got creative, thought on her feet, and made it happen. And when I say she pulled it off, she did more than pull it off!
It wasn’t just the show—it was the energy, the atmosphere, the intent to honor God in that way. I marveled at what she had accomplished, and I got to know her. We became friends. She was like that—the kind of woman who could walk into a room, see something that needed to be done, and get busy doing it. She was confident, capable, and wasn't afraid to take the lead when necessary. But something changed after she got married. The woman who once had so much to say became quiet. She stopped offering her opinions and sharing her ideas. Even when someone asked what she thought, she remained silent. Her husband had a habit of belittling her, sometimes in front of other people, and over time, the confidence that had once been so evident in her seemed to disappear.
This kind of change doesn't always happen overnight. Sometimes it begins with little remarks that are passed off as jokes. A woman shares an idea, and her husband tells her it's foolish. She makes a decision, and he criticizes her for not doing it his way. When she tries to explain how his words hurt her, he accuses her of being too sensitive or starting an argument. After a while, she begins to think twice before speaking. She carefully chooses her words, watches his moods, and tries to avoid anything that might upset him. She may not realize it, but her relationship has become a place where she doesn't feel emotionally safe. What she once did freely, she now does with fear and uncertainty.
The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23 (NLT), “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Our hearts are precious to Heavenly Father, and we have a responsibility to be careful about what we allow to influence them. This doesn't mean we can always prevent someone from hurting us, especially when that person is determined to mistreat us. It means we must recognize that repeated humiliation, harsh criticism, and intimidation are not harmless things. They can affect how we see ourselves, how we make decisions, and what we begin to believe we deserve. A woman may love her husband deeply and sincerely desire for her marriage to succeed, but loving him doesn't mean she must accept his mistreatment as a normal part of married life.
Healthy relationships require sacrifice, patience, understanding, and compromise. There will be times when we must put aside our preferences for the good of the relationship, but there is a tremendous difference between making a loving compromise and surrendering our voice because we're afraid of someone's reaction. Love doesn't require us to become smaller so another person can feel bigger. It doesn't demand that we stop thinking for ourselves or abandon the gifts and abilities Heavenly Father has placed within us. Psalm 139:14 (NLT) says, “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!” God made each of us with value, individuality, and purpose. Marriage doesn't cancel these things, and neither does a husband's disapproval. A woman's worth doesn't decrease because the man she loves refuses to recognize it.
We must also understand that verbal abuse is not simply a matter of someone having a bad temper or occasionally saying something hurtful. All of us have spoken words we wish we could take back, but repeated belittling, humiliation, threats, and intimidation are serious matters. Ephesians 4:29 (NLT) tells us, “Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” This is God's standard for how we should speak to one another. When a husband continually uses his words to tear his wife down, he is not demonstrating the love and care that God requires. And when she becomes quiet because she has learned that speaking up brings criticism or humiliation, we should not mistake her silence for agreement, contentment, or weakness. Sometimes silence is how a person tries to protect herself from being hurt again.
One of the saddest things about emotional and verbal abuse is that a woman may begin to believe the terrible things she's repeatedly told about herself. She may question her intelligence, doubt her abilities, or feel that she can't do anything right. The woman who once handled difficult situations with confidence may now struggle to make even simple decisions. This doesn't mean she's lost her intelligence or that the gifts God gave her have disappeared. It means she's been living under circumstances that have wounded her confidence and affected her sense of safety. We should never make her feel ashamed for this. Nor should we tell her that if she prayed harder, submitted more, or became a better wife, her husband would stop mistreating her. His abusive behavior is his responsibility, and nothing she has done gives him the right to mistreat her.
Please understand that you are still the person Heavenly Father created you to be. Your voice has value, your thoughts are important, and your life is precious to Him. You don't have to prove your love by accepting humiliation or living in fear. Begin by acknowledging what is happening without blaming yourself for it. Pray for wisdom and seek support from someone trustworthy who understands domestic violence and will take your safety seriously. You don't have to confront your husband or make a sudden decision that could place you in danger. There are people who can help you think through your circumstances and consider safe options. Most importantly, don't allow the mistreatment you've experienced to convince you that this is all your life can ever be. The woman who once spoke with confidence may be quiet today, but she is not without hope. Heavenly Father has not forgotten her, and He has not forgotten you.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“What's Leading You, Faith or Fear?”, written by Alex for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2026. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
