Finding God's Truth When Fear Has Become a Way of Life
We serve a Great Big Wonderful God! He's our Heavenly Father, and He loves us with a love that is greater than anything this world can offer. He created us to know Him, trust Him, and walk in the truth of His Word. But when you've been living in an abusive relationship, trusting God can become a struggle that you never imagined you'd have. You can know that God loves you and still wake up every morning wondering what kind of day you're going to have. Will there be peace in your home today, or will something you say or do set off another argument? Will you be able to relax, or will you spend the day watching someone's mood, choosing your words carefully, and trying to keep everything from falling apart? When you've lived this way long enough, fear can become such a familiar part of your life that you hardly recognize how much it's controlling your decisions.
God never intended for us to live under the control of another person's anger, threats, or cruelty. In 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT), the Apostle Paul tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” This is a wonderful promise, but we must understand it correctly. Paul wasn't telling believers that they would never experience fear. Fear is a human response to danger, and sometimes it warns us that something is terribly wrong. The fear you experience when someone threatens, intimidates, or harms you is not the same as refusing to trust God. You can be afraid and still have faith. You can be trembling on the inside and still be holding on to the promises of our Heavenly Father.
Jesus Christ tells us in John 8:32 (NLT), “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” When our Lord spoke these words, He was teaching about the freedom that comes from knowing Him and continuing in His Word. He was speaking about freedom from the bondage of sin. But His words also remind us of something important when we're dealing with abuse: God's truth helps us recognize the lies we've been told. An abusive person may tell you that you're worthless, that nobody else will ever love you, or that everything wrong in the relationship is your fault. Some even misuse Scripture to convince their wives that God expects them to accept mistreatment without question. These things are not the truth of God's Word. Jesus Christ does not teach us that love gives one person permission to control, humiliate, threaten, or harm another.
One of the most difficult things about an abusive relationship is that fear can begin to shape the way you think about yourself. You may have once been a confident person who spoke freely, made decisions, and enjoyed being around other people. Now you find yourself second-guessing almost everything. You may hesitate before making a purchase, visiting a friend, or even answering a telephone call because you're worried about the consequences. Little by little, your world becomes smaller. And sometimes, because you love the person who is hurting you, you keep hoping that things will change. You remember the good times, the apologies, and the promises. You want to believe that the person you fell in love with is still there. Those feelings are real, and they can make it difficult to recognize just how much the abuse has affected your life.
But here's something we need to understand. Having faith in God does not mean pretending that your circumstances are different from what they are. Faith doesn't require you to ignore threatening behavior, excuse repeated cruelty, or place yourself in danger to prove that you trust the Lord. Proverbs 22:3 (NLT) tells us, “A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.” God has given us wisdom, and He expects us to use it. Recognizing danger and taking reasonable steps to protect yourself is not an act of unbelief. There are times when wisdom tells us to seek help, establish boundaries, make a safety plan, or remove ourselves from a dangerous situation. These decisions can require tremendous courage, especially when the person causing the harm is someone we love.
We must also remember that God looks at the heart. In Matthew 12:33, Jesus taught that a tree is known by its fruit. We can apply this principle when examining the behavior of someone who claims to love us. Love is not established simply because a person says the words, “I love you.” We must look at how that person treats us. Does their behavior demonstrate kindness, patience, self-control, and respect? Or is there a continuing pattern of intimidation, manipulation, humiliation, and harm? An apology may sound sincere, but repentance involves more than words. A person who genuinely recognizes the wrong they've done must take responsibility for their behavior and demonstrate meaningful, lasting change. Forgiveness does not automatically restore trust, and it does not obligate anyone to remain in an unsafe relationship.
Psalm 56:3 (NLT) says, “But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.” I love the honesty of this verse because the psalmist didn't say that he never experienced fear. He acknowledged that he was afraid, and in the middle of that fear, he turned his heart toward God. This is something we can learn to do as well. You don't have to deny what you're feeling to draw closer to the Lord. Tell Him about the fear, the confusion, the disappointment, and the pain. Ask Him for wisdom to recognize what is happening and courage to take the steps necessary to protect your well-being.
Our Heavenly Father does not abandon His children when they're frightened, confused, or struggling to find their way. Psalm 34:18 (NLT) reminds us, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” If fear has become a way of life for you, don't confuse that fear with a failure of faith. Begin by allowing God's truth to remind you of your worth, your dignity, and His love for you. Ask Him to guide you toward the help and wisdom you need. You may not know today what every decision should be, and you don't have to make them all at once. But you can begin to recognize that being loved should not mean living in constant fear. You belong to God, and no one has the right to use fear and cruelty to rule over the life He has given you. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
“What's Leading You, Faith or Fear?”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com © 2026. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.



