Monday, October 12, 2026

What’s Leading You, Faith or Fear?

 


Finding God's Truth When Fear Has Become a Way of Life

We serve a Great Big Wonderful God! He's our Heavenly Father, and He loves us with a love that is greater than anything this world can offer. He created us to know Him, trust Him, and walk in the truth of His Word. But when you've been living in an abusive relationship, trusting God can become a struggle that you never imagined you'd have. You can know that God loves you and still wake up every morning wondering what kind of day you're going to have. Will there be peace in your home today, or will something you say or do set off another argument? Will you be able to relax, or will you spend the day watching someone's mood, choosing your words carefully, and trying to keep everything from falling apart? When you've lived this way long enough, fear can become such a familiar part of your life that you hardly recognize how much it's controlling your decisions.

God never intended for us to live under the control of another person's anger, threats, or cruelty. In 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT), the Apostle Paul tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” This is a wonderful promise, but we must understand it correctly. Paul wasn't telling believers that they would never experience fear. Fear is a human response to danger, and sometimes it warns us that something is terribly wrong. The fear you experience when someone threatens, intimidates, or harms you is not the same as refusing to trust God. You can be afraid and still have faith. You can be trembling on the inside and still be holding on to the promises of our Heavenly Father.

Jesus Christ tells us in John 8:32 (NLT), “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” When our Lord spoke these words, He was teaching about the freedom that comes from knowing Him and continuing in His Word. He was speaking about freedom from the bondage of sin. But His words also remind us of something important when we're dealing with abuse: God's truth helps us recognize the lies we've been told. An abusive person may tell you that you're worthless, that nobody else will ever love you, or that everything wrong in the relationship is your fault. Some even misuse Scripture to convince their wives that God expects them to accept mistreatment without question. These things are not the truth of God's Word. Jesus Christ does not teach us that love gives one person permission to control, humiliate, threaten, or harm another.

One of the most difficult things about an abusive relationship is that fear can begin to shape the way you think about yourself. You may have once been a confident person who spoke freely, made decisions, and enjoyed being around other people. Now you find yourself second-guessing almost everything. You may hesitate before making a purchase, visiting a friend, or even answering a telephone call because you're worried about the consequences. Little by little, your world becomes smaller. And sometimes, because you love the person who is hurting you, you keep hoping that things will change. You remember the good times, the apologies, and the promises. You want to believe that the person you fell in love with is still there. Those feelings are real, and they can make it difficult to recognize just how much the abuse has affected your life.

But here's something we need to understand. Having faith in God does not mean pretending that your circumstances are different from what they are. Faith doesn't require you to ignore threatening behavior, excuse repeated cruelty, or place yourself in danger to prove that you trust the Lord. Proverbs 22:3 (NLT) tells us, “A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.” God has given us wisdom, and He expects us to use it. Recognizing danger and taking reasonable steps to protect yourself is not an act of unbelief. There are times when wisdom tells us to seek help, establish boundaries, make a safety plan, or remove ourselves from a dangerous situation. These decisions can require tremendous courage, especially when the person causing the harm is someone we love.

We must also remember that God looks at the heart. In Matthew 12:33, Jesus taught that a tree is known by its fruit. We can apply this principle when examining the behavior of someone who claims to love us. Love is not established simply because a person says the words, “I love you.” We must look at how that person treats us. Does their behavior demonstrate kindness, patience, self-control, and respect? Or is there a continuing pattern of intimidation, manipulation, humiliation, and harm? An apology may sound sincere, but repentance involves more than words. A person who genuinely recognizes the wrong they've done must take responsibility for their behavior and demonstrate meaningful, lasting change. Forgiveness does not automatically restore trust, and it does not obligate anyone to remain in an unsafe relationship.

Psalm 56:3 (NLT) says, “But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.” I love the honesty of this verse because the psalmist didn't say that he never experienced fear. He acknowledged that he was afraid, and in the middle of that fear, he turned his heart toward God. This is something we can learn to do as well. You don't have to deny what you're feeling to draw closer to the Lord. Tell Him about the fear, the confusion, the disappointment, and the pain. Ask Him for wisdom to recognize what is happening and courage to take the steps necessary to protect your well-being.

Our Heavenly Father does not abandon His children when they're frightened, confused, or struggling to find their way. Psalm 34:18 (NLT) reminds us, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” If fear has become a way of life for you, don't confuse that fear with a failure of faith. Begin by allowing God's truth to remind you of your worth, your dignity, and His love for you. Ask Him to guide you toward the help and wisdom you need. You may not know today what every decision should be, and you don't have to make them all at once. But you can begin to recognize that being loved should not mean living in constant fear. You belong to God, and no one has the right to use fear and cruelty to rule over the life He has given you. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. 

“What's Leading You, Faith or Fear?”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com © 2026. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Monday, September 28, 2026

Don’t Faint in Your Mind

 

When the Relationship Ends, But the Hurt Remains

I had a conversation with a wonderful woman who had experienced several relationships that did not end in the way she had hoped. Her heart was still hurting. One of the men she had dated was abusive, and she told me that deep down, the experience had left scars that make her fearful when things in her relationships don’t go as planned. She can become overly defensive, or she shuts down. It’s troubling for her because she doesn’t understand why she continues to behave this way.

She knows that the man she is dealing with today is not the man who hurt her, but sometimes her responses seem to come from a place deeper than the present moment. Something happens, and she finds herself protecting herself before she has even had time to understand what is happening. She believes this may be one of the reasons her relationships continue to fail, and she has become weary of even trying anymore.

As we talked, I found myself thinking about how often we expect the effects of an experience to disappear simply because the experience itself is over. But sometimes the relationship ends before the wounds do. The person may be gone, the circumstances may have changed, and life may have moved forward, but the heart can still be responding to what it learned when it was hurt. Yet God tells us in Psalm 147:3 (NLT), “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” There are wounds we carry that we don’t always recognize or understand. But God knows they are there. He sees what happened to us, He sees what it left behind, and He knows exactly where healing is needed. We don’t have to pretend the wounds aren’t there. We can bring them to Him and allow Him to heal what we may not know how to heal ourselves.

But none of this means there is something wrong with her. And it doesn’t mean she is destined to repeat the same patterns for the rest of her life. And it doesn't mean she is doomed to repeat the same patterns for the rest of her life. It may simply mean there are places in her heart that still need healing. Sometimes we don’t realize how deeply something affected us until something happens and we react more strongly than the situation seems to call for.

I believe this is one of the reasons God cares so deeply about our healing. He isn't looking at us and asking, “What's wrong with you?” He knows what happened. He knows what we carried away from it. But He also knows that what happened to us does not have to define what comes next. God tells us in Isaiah 43:18–19 (NLT), “But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?” He knows how to lead us into the kind of healing that allows us to stop living from what happened to us and begin responding from who we are becoming in Him.

Healing doesn’t mean that what happened never happened. It doesn’t mean we forget, excuse, or pretend that the hurt wasn’t real. It means that, over time, what happened no longer gets to have the same authority over how we see ourselves, how we respond to others, or what we believe is possible for our lives. There may still be moments when something from the past gets stirred up. But those moments don’t have to determine what happens next. We don't have to faint in our minds and decide that because something happened before, it will always happen again.

Philippians 1:6 (NLT) reminds us, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished.” I love that because healing is a process, and God is not finished with us. If you have been hurt in a relationship, you don't have to be ashamed of the places that still need healing. Bring them to God. Let Him heal what was wounded and teach you how to respond from who you are becoming in Christ. Don't faint in your mind. What hurt you may explain some of your struggles, but it does not get to decide where God takes you from here. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Don’t Faint in Your Mind”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com © 2026. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.


Tuesday, September 22, 2026

Why Do I Keep Going Back?

 


One of the hardest questions a woman may ask herself after leaving an abusive relationship is, “Why do I keep going back?” Sometimes she goes back because she still loves him. Sometimes she goes back because she remembers the good times and believes the person she fell in love with is still somewhere underneath the hurt. Sometimes there are children, finances, nowhere else to live, or the fear of starting over. And sometimes he apologizes, promises that things will be different, and for a while, they are. None of this means she is stupid or weak. Abuse can create a complicated cycle that is difficult to break, especially when love and fear have become mixed together. We have to be careful not to look at a woman who has returned and ask, “What is wrong with her?” A better question may be, “What has she been carrying that we cannot see?”

Jesus sees what other people can’t. He sees the fear, the confusion, the hope, the disappointment, and the part of her that still wants to believe things can be different. He doesn’t need her to pretend that everything is okay. Psalm 34:18 (NLT) says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” There is something powerful about knowing that God doesn’t turn His back on us when we are hurting or when we have made decisions we wish we could change. Jesus meets us right where we are, but He loves us too much to leave us there. His love doesn’t require us to remain in a place where we are continually being harmed.

Sometimes a woman keeps going back because she has begun to believe that this is the best she can expect from love. After being criticized, controlled, threatened, or made to feel worthless for long enough, it can become difficult to remember who you were before all of that. But Jesus tells us the truth about who we are. John 8:36 (NKJV) says, “Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” Freedom doesn’t mean that every part of your life will suddenly become easy. It may take time, help, counseling, practical support, and people who will walk beside you. But freedom begins when you stop believing that someone else's treatment of you determines your worth. You belong to Christ, and what He says about you matters more than what an abusive person has said about you.

And if you have gone back before, you don’t have to believe that you have ruined your chance to make a different choice. You can ask God for wisdom, courage, and direction for what comes next. James 1:5 (NLT) says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you.” Sometimes God helps us directly through His Word and the Holy Spirit, and sometimes He helps us through other people—trusted family members, godly counselors, advocates, pastors, or others who can help us see clearly and make a safe plan. You do not have to figure everything out in one day. But you can begin telling the truth about what is happening and asking God to show you your next step.

If you keep going back, please don't let shame convince you that Jesus has given up on you. He hasn't. But His grace is not an invitation to keep returning to what is destroying you. Jesus is not asking you to prove your love by enduring abuse. He is calling you toward truth, wisdom, and life. Psalm 147:3 (NLT) says, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” Healing may take time, and the road may not look the same for every woman. But you can bring every part of your life to Jesus—the parts you're proud of and the parts you wish you could change. You can ask Him for wisdom today, take the next safe step, and trust Him to meet you there. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. 

“Why Do I Keep Going Back”, written by Kim for https://DomesticAbuseAwareness.org© 2026. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

 

Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Don’t Dim Your Light to Keep Others Comfortable

 

John 3:20-21(NLT)

“20 All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21 But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.”

Learning to Recognize What God Is Showing You

God has given every believer the ability to recognize what is good and what is evil, and to discern what belongs to His Kingdom and what does not. We have this ability because His Spirit lives within us. But having the Holy Spirit does not mean we will always make the right choice. We still have a flesh that wants its own way, and we still have to choose whether we will obey God or give in to what feels good, familiar, or difficult to let go. 1Corinthians 3:16 tells us that our bodies are the temple of the Living God, and the Spirit of God dwells within us. That should change the way we live.

We have access to the wisdom and direction of the Holy Spirit, but we have to be willing to listen and obey. Sometimes we know exactly what God is showing us, but we don't want to act on it because obedience may require us to change something we have become comfortable with. This can be especially true when God begins dealing with the people we have allowed into our inner circle.

Love does not require us to ignore what is harmful. Grace does not require us to call wrong behavior right. And forgiveness does not mean giving someone unrestricted access to hurt us again. The Holy Spirit can help us recognize what does not belong in our lives, but we must be willing to listen when He does.

When the People Closest to Us Begin to Affect Our Walk with God

For single women, this is an area where we have to be especially careful. 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV) says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” God is not telling us to isolate ourselves from people who do not believe as we do. The issue is influence and what we are allowing someone to become in our lives. There is a difference between loving someone and becoming bound to a relationship that continually pulls us away from God.

This is especially important in romantic relationships. A woman who desires a marriage where Jesus Christ is Head cannot ignore the spiritual direction, character, and behavior of the man she is considering building her life with. Love should not require us to compromise what we believe, silence our concerns, live in fear, or continually excuse behavior we know is wrong.

Sometimes the people closest to us can cause us to second-guess convictions God has already established in our hearts. In an abusive relationship, manipulation, intimidation, and control can make it even harder to trust what we know. It may seem like a tangled web, but if we ask, God will give us wisdom. James 1:5 (NKJV) says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God.” There are relationships we have to recognize for what they are, boundaries we may need to establish, and sometimes doors we have to close. Our loving Heavenly Father will help us to live free.

Don’t Let Another Voice Become Louder Than God’s

1Thessalonians 5:5(NLT) says, “For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don’t belong to darkness and night.” Jesus Christ never compromised the truth to make people comfortable. He recognized when people were trying to manipulate or trap Him, and He did not allow their behavior to pull Him away from what God had called Him to do.

Jesus stayed in prayer and communion with the Father. He knew who He was, who sent Him, and what He had been sent to accomplish. We need that same spiritual clarity. Especially when someone has repeatedly manipulated, controlled, intimidated, or caused us to question ourselves, we cannot afford to let another person's voice become louder than what God is saying to us through His Word and His Spirit.

Jesus Christ told the Pharisees in John 8:43-45(NLT), “43 Why can’t you understand what I am saying? It’s because you can’t even hear me! 44 For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45 So when I tell the truth, you just naturally don’t believe me!”

Jesus did not allow their rejection of the truth to make Him question the truth. That is something we need to learn. People may not understand the changes God is making in you. They may not agree with your boundaries. They may even accuse you of thinking you are better than them because you have decided to live differently. But walking in obedience is not the same thing as thinking you are better than somebody else.

We can love people without following them, care about people without allowing them to control our direction, and pray for people without joining them in choices that God has told us to avoid.

We must open our eyes and recognize what God is showing us as we learn to stand in the light of Christ. We don’t need to shrink ourselves spiritually so that other people can remain comfortable around us. And we don’t need to hide what the Father is doing in our lives.

As we grow in Christ, some relationships may change. Some friendships may become more distant. Some romantic relationships may have to end. And yes, there may be people we have to leave behind. That is not always easy, and for someone dealing with abuse, leaving may require wisdom, support, and a plan for safety. But when we listen to His voice, God will help us every step of the way.

We are children of the light. We belong to Christ. So let the light He has placed within you become brighter as you grow in Him. Don't dim your light to keep somebody else comfortable in their darkness. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. 

“Don’t Dim Your Light to Keep Others Comfortable”, written by Kim for https://DomesticAbuseAwareness.org© 2026. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.


What’s Leading You, Faith or Fear?

  Finding God's Truth When Fear Has Become a Way of Life We serve a Great Big Wonderful God! He's our Heavenly Father, and He lo...