Why Did It Have to Be So Bad?

 

Years ago, when my childhood friend confronted her mother about the abuse they both had endured from her father, it was like I left my body. I had just graduated from college and was looking forward to spending time with them—just catching up, enjoying the warmth of their home, their company, and conversation. What I didn’t expect was that my being there would somehow give my friend the courage to speak what had been buried deep inside for years.

What started out calm turned quickly to anger, then rage, as she unleashed the pain she’d been carrying. She blamed her mother for not protecting her. And honestly, none of us in that moment had the words. I didn’t have the emotional tools to process what had just exploded in front of me. The pieces of a family—shattered. And there we were, staring at the fragments on the ground, no clue how to gather them, no comfort we could offer that would actually reach her soul.

I’d love to say she recovered. That life got better. But her journey from there was filled with heartache and devastation.

Every now and then I’d hear how she was struggling—caring for her autistic child, battling through a difficult marriage, and later, the grief of watching it all fall apart. She started to retreat. And what followed was a slow and painful decline that none of us could have imagined.

It’s important to understand something. Demonic forces that fuel molestation and domestic violence don’t just want to hurt. They want to steal destinies. And they do it by ripping the soul to shreds—leaving people emotionally wrecked, spiritually confused, and disconnected from who God intended them to be.

Ephesians 6:12 (NLT) tells us: “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.”

But because many don’t know who the real enemy is, they end up using all their emotional, mental, and even physical energy fighting the wrong things—people, memories, themselves. It’s exhausting and unproductive. Without the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, many victims of abuse live trapped in fear and rage, because those emotions become their armor. And I’ve seen it—it’s a common outcome for those who’ve experienced childhood trauma like my friend did.

Whether it’s sexual or physical abuse, the mental and emotional damage follows you. Some people grow up stuck in survival mode, always on edge. That fight-or-flight state never really turns off. Anxiety keeps them up at night, or depression lays heavy enough to keep them in bed all day. The pain becomes part of their identity.

They struggle with making decisions—especially about relationships. It’s not uncommon for survivors of childhood abuse to choose partners who are unhealthy or abusive. That same pattern replays, over and over, and each time it does, it takes more out of them. They never quite learn how to show up as their full selves, because trauma left them unsure of who that is.

As human beings, we want someone to blame. It’s how we try to make sense of the chaos. And often, when we’re young, we blame ourselves. We internalize it. Shame, guilt, confusion—all of it gets stored deep. And because it’s rarely talked about, we carry these silent questions: Why didn’t they protect me? Why didn’t my parents do better? And if we’re really honest, the biggest question of all starts to rise: Why did God allow this to happen to me?

That’s a hard one. And most people are too afraid to say it out loud. But I believe it’s important to take those questions straight to God. He’s not intimidated by them.

The truth is, our first birth was a physical one—into a sinful world. And that sin, that darkness, came from our own disobedience as a human race. That’s hard to hear. Most people try to distance themselves from that truth. But if you look around, God is showing us clearly what happens when sin goes unrepented and gets passed down from one generation to the next.

Some might say it’s not fair—that God would create us and then allow us to be born into such a cruel world. That parents can be so harmful, and people so wicked. But here’s the reality: there was no other way into this life except through the very circumstances that brought us here. No other entry point. No other parents. No other timing. No alternate version of you. Every situation, every condition—even the horrific ones—converged to give us one thing: a choice.

The choice to either remain shaped and confined by this broken world… or to surrender—completely and fully—to God through the Lord Jesus Christ. Only He can heal the shattered soul. Only He can set us free from the torment in our minds and emotions. All He asks is that we trust Him.

Jesus never pretended this life would be easy. In fact, He said the opposite.
In John 16:33 (NLT), Jesus tells us, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

He suffered more than we could ever imagine. The betrayal, the slander, the pain of the cross—it was more than most could bear. But He endured it. He overcame it. And He showed us the way through. Because of Him, we can have real freedom. And the more we walk with Him, the tighter our relationship with God becomes. Even in this dark world, we hold on to the victory that Jesus won for us. That’s why we’re here—to make that choice.

After all we’ve gone through, it’s natural to ask, Why did it have to be so bad?
Truthfully, if those before us had lived by God’s Word—if they had followed Christ’s example—we wouldn’t have inherited some of this mess. They could have chosen differently. And the same goes for us.

But here’s the grace: You woke up today. You’ve been given another day to give God praise. And no matter what’s in your past, you have this moment—this opportunity—to give Him glory. That’s what matters most. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Why Did It Have to Be So Bad?”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2025. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.