So Shall the Sun Rise

Matthew 5:44 NIV; But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.  He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

This verse in the Bible may illustrate to you one of the most difficult acts that our loving Lord and Savior acts us to do.  He not only says to love the ones that would love to see you at your worst but he tells us to pray for them. Why? Because we are children of God.  As His children, we have just that much capacity within us to dig deep enough within our hearts to go the extra mile and pray for those that persecute us.  

And for the record, we’re not talking about the person behind the register that gave you a dirty look – we’re talking about the very person in your life that you go home to. God wants you to have the kind of heart to be forgiving to the person that may be causing you the most hurt in your life.  God loves them too - toHeavenly Father, they deserve His love just as much as we do. 

I can remember the first time my ex-husband put his hands on me.  My husband is 6’0, 200lbs of all muscle. He had the biggest hands I’d ever seen on a man, so the thought of challenging him against my 5’2” frame was just Ludacris, but I did it anyway. I woke up on the bathroom floor with an excruciating sore throat and the worst headache I’d ever had in my life, because he’d choked me until I passed out.  I had nothing but hate in my heart and thoughts of wanting someone to do anything to get him out of my life.

So, to read in God’s Word that we should love our enemies and pray for them too…huh, this was unimaginable to me for a very long time.  Even years after my divorce from him, I still couldn’t bring myself to pray for someone that caused me just that much hurt and pain.  And every time, I read this verse, I thought to myself, I still must have a very long way to go because I still can’t bring myself to pray for him.

It took years, but it finally hit me one day that the only way I can be delivered is to trust God enough with my heart to the point that I believed God would always have my back, no matter what I went through.  After years of seeking God to heal my heart, I was finally able to pray for my ex-husband. 

None of us are perfect and all of us have room for improvement.  I encourage you to never settle within yourself that your love can’t go that deep.  If God says you can do it, you definitely have it within yourself to love deeper than you can ever imagine. And with that deep love comes an even deeper acknowledgement and acceptance that God loves you enough to forgive you for all of your wrong doings as well. 

If there is someone in your life that has done you harm, or have spoken negative words over your life – don’t hold it against them. It’s not them that you wrestle against – it’s the spiritual powers in high places that govern their actions.  You have the capacity to pray for those that persecute you.  You’re much stronger and more tenacious than you think.

There’s Always Another Solution

1 Peter 5:9(NLT)

Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.

When you’re in a relationship with a partner that tears you down with every breath you take, you don’t think anyone can understand what you’re going through. You feel so isolated, but don’t kid yourself into thinking you’re alone in feeling this way – You’re not!

Weeks turn into months, and before you realize it, years go by. Suddenly you wake up and realize there’s another solution to the problem you’ve been dealing with for so long. Do we have to spend years in a miserable situation, thinking there is no other way? The answer is ‘no’. Through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, there is always a solution, and it doesn’t have to take years of being miserable to find it. The answer to our problems will always be found in him. But our issue is that we don’t always seek him as we should. 

In Hosea 4:6, God tells us that His people are destroyed because they lack knowledge; they actually rejected knowledge about Him. People today are much the same way. We love God, but we don’t pick up His Word nearly as often as we should. Some people say they don’t read the bible because they don’t understand what they read. That might have worked twenty years ago as an excuse, but it doesn’t hold water today. There are too many easily understood versions of the bible out there, so no one can justifiably complain that they can’t understand God’s Word. We use our cell phones so much that they have become an extension of our hands. Through them, we can access the internet and on-line biblical resources in the blink of an eye. 

If we get right down to it, many of us don’t believe God will solve our problems, and truth be told, sometimes we don’t want Him too. We want to figure things out on our own, because we don’t want to be forced to make a change. As chaotic as our lives are, there’s something about them that makes us comfortable. 

I listened to a woman the other day share her personal story of finally having the courage to get out of a scary situation. She’s 45 years old with a thirteen-year old son that she shares with her ex-boyfriend. They talked about getting married early on, but never took that walk down the aisle. She shared that shortly after having their son, her boyfriend’s fits of anger and rage became her new normal. It took her many years to finally decide that she and her son deserved a better life, and for her to take the steps to make it happen. It wasn’t a good situation, but she stayed in it for thirteen years. 

She’s not alone. There are many women who have spent most of their adult lives being abused in some way. But there are also thousands upon thousands of women that have been in abusive marriages and relationships, and they have made the steps towards the healing and wholeness that Christ offers. The first step is to know that God loves you and wants you in a good situation. The second is to know that it is possible through Christ to leave the person that constantly tears you down. 

Domestic violence and abuse is about someone in a relationship taking the power of the other partner. To get your power back, you may need to build up your courage. The greatest way to build courage and strength is through learning about Jesus Christ. He tells us in Matthew 11:28-30(NIV), “28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” The Word of God is a spiritual book for spiritual people. It is rich with God’s wisdom and it is life to our souls. The more we read and study it, the more our eyes and hearts will be opened. We will be encouraged and strengthened as we learn to walk in the power of God and allow it to transform us and changes our lives. 

There’s always another solution. You don’t have to be in a bad situation year after year, but you will have to be courageous. You must trust God and have faith that He will lead and guide you every step of the way. Stay in His Word. It will build your faith as God shows you a way out.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

New International Version (NIV)
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“There’s Always Another Solution”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2020. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Should I Stay When He Cheats?

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” Ephesians 5:25(NLT)

Would you stay in a relationship if you found out your spouse or significant other had cheated? Don’t answer too quick – search the scriptures on the matter, because if you’ve never gone through it then your answer could possibly surprise you. 

Out of the blue, a close friend asked me, if by chance, I found out that my spouse was cheating, would I continue to stay in the relationship. I didn’t hesitate to answer with a resounding “NO!” He quickly said to me, “Kim, you say ‘no’ because you’re not in the situation right now, but when you’re married with children, the answer doesn’t come that easily.” After giving this some thought, spiritual maturity begs us to make sure we have a forgiving heart, and that we always, regardless of our pain, seek God for the best course of action.

Many women are hurting today, at this very moment, and the reason they’re in so much pain is because their hearts have been broken by someone they love. A few years ago, my pastor taught about deliverance from a broken heart.  What resonated so deeply was understanding that when our hearts are broken, the ultimate take-away is always going to be the lesson our hurt teaches us about ourselves and about our relationship with God.   

This truth stuck with me because there have been times when hurt has come my way, and if I’m honest, I was baffled as to why Heavenly Father didn’t prevent it. I was utterly devastated, and I didn’t understand why God had allowed me to experience such despair, especially by the person who claimed to care about me. It wasn’t that I had mastered the art of relationships and thought I was untouchable, but I thought at least I knew enough to dodge a bullet when it came to getting my heart broken again. I was wrong. 

Sometimes, the significant people we love are not meant to journey with us any further. They are not the person we should marry and spend the rest of our lives with. We try to cling to them, but their destiny is on another path. We should allow ourselves a little time to grieve, and then get ready to proceed onward and upward in Christ. The only way to really do this is to learn the lesson about the love of Christ that this person has revealed to us.  

When a spouse has betrayed the marriage vow, it is a very different situation than when someone that isn’t a spouse cheats and goes outside the relationship. Because marriage is God’s institution, if the spouse that has cheated desires forgiveness, and the Lord says so, anyone can be healed, and any relationship can be restored. But boy do we have to walk in wisdom and hear from God with this one. You don’t want to set yourself up to be repeatedly lied to and cheated on, but by the same token, you can’t play the victim and shift all the blame on the cheating spouse. We must at all times remember that God holds us accountable for our actions, and sometimes we’ve done things that caused our spouses to feel hurt and isolated as well. 

Relationships are challenging and there are complicated issues to deal with. Even before we go into marriage, God expects that we will have saturated our hearts and minds with His Word, so that we have the endurance and spiritual strength to weather storms. Many of us have not put on His whole armor, and we take that walk down the aisle without it. Then, when something happens and knocks the wind out of us, we are faced with a situation that requires more faith than we’ve cultivated. 

Ephesians 5:25(NLT) says, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” This is not some abstract concept. It’s God’s standard for the way a man should love and treat his wife. Jesus Christ said in Luke 12:48 that to whom much is given much is required. So, if a man loves his wife the way Christ loves the church, she has a responsibility to make sure she reciprocates it; her actions must be deserving of this kind of love. Considering this, the very best course of action when cheating rears its ugly head is to come to an agreement together to seek the Lord. Both spouses must have humility and be willing to rededicate themselves towards making Jesus Christ the center of their marriage, and every step they take together must be guided by the Spirit. ■

 Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Should I Stay When He Cheats”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2020. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Love Is Much More Than You Think

1 John 2:15(NLT) “Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.”

When you love someone and this person causes you harm, the hurt can feel like nothing else you’ve ever experienced.  And yet, some have said that not loving someone with your whole heart is much more painful. We are brought up to believe that our lives should revolve around the person we fall for. Most of us want this for ourselves, but when I was in my twenties, wanting to love someone and to be loved by them was followed by pain and devastating heartbreak repeatedly. I wanted so badly to break the cycle, but I didn’t have a clue how to do it.

1John 2:15 tells us not to love this world or the things it offers. Often, we meet individuals that are not good for our lives, but it’s something about them that makes our hearts swoon. We feel a connection, and we allow this person into our hearts without consulting Heavenly Father. We leap before we look, and this can be a very dangerous thing.

Someone said, “You can’t help who you fall in love with.” If that is the case, why are we all not falling madly in love with our Creator. He is the only One who deserves our whole hearts, yet, most people do not even acknowledge Him. God has given us free-will choice. We can and should help who we fall in love with. This is the piece of information that I needed to know to break the cycle of bad choices.

God has made us totally responsible and capable of making good judgments and sound decisions, but our trust must always be placed in Him. We should never make a person our everything, because they can never live up to that role. They are as imperfect as we are. Instead, we should seek the kind of relationship with Heavenly Father where His love swells in our hearts. When it does, not only will we be guided by His love, but He will teach us how to discern through His Spirit, so that we love smart.

Proverbs 27:19(NLT) tells us, “As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” A person will reveal to you their true essence in a short period of time. The question is whether you will have the discernment to recognize the voice of God telling you to walk away. Even if the person seems to check off the right boxes, they could be terribly bad for your life.

Love is so much more than we think. It is so much deeper than butterflies in our tummies and swooning in our heads. That stuff can be fun and makes the heart grow fonder, but make no mistake, the love of God in Christ is the treasure we must be aiming for. When asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus Christ responded in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.'  God must be first in order for everything else in our lives to work. When we love Him the way we should, we will have all we need to love from a place of strength, courage, faith, and wisdom.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Love Is Much More Than You Think”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2020. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Bound or Loosed

Matthew 16:19(NLT)

“And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

You want to get back to the way you were, before all hell broke loose – but you know that’s not possible. What do you do when you don’t know WHAT TO DO?

I went to a wedding of a dear friend last summer. As I watched them declare their devotion for the rest of their lives, I prayed that they would be able to stand strong through whatever would come their way. Over the holidays I spoke to my friend’s brother, and he said that the two of them were having a lot of problems. In his words, “All hell was breaking loose in their marriage.”  He believes it is because his brother is very egotistical and has anger issues. On the other hand, he said, “His wife is very needy and can’t seem to do anything without my brother’s permission.”

Marriage is not easy. Just about everyone that takes that walk down the aisle underestimates its challenges. And one of the most challenging aspects of marriage is dealing with the emotions of another person. At no time should one spouse ever disrespect the other, but situations will arise that will test our limits and stretch us beyond the point we ever thought possible. Most people that are married will attest to the reality that you see all sides to a person as you grow and become one. Sometimes you see things you couldn’t have imagined, even after knowing and dating your current spouse a while before you married.

God has given us the person of the Holy Spirit to dwell within our body temples. Jesus Christ told us in John 16:13 that the Spirit’s occupation is to teach, lead, and guide us according to the instruction he receives from Christ. Through His Spirit that indwells us, God will prepare us for marital partnership.

Ephesians 1:11 tells us that God predestined our existence even before the foundation of the world. Acts 17:26 tells us that He appointed the times of our births and the family that we would be born into. There isn’t anything about our lives God doesn’t know. He knows the person that is best suited to walk with us through life. The truth is that many of us don’t choose this person. We allow ourselves to fall for someone that hasn’t learned to love through Christ and has no intention of ever truly walking in God’s love. To our disappointment and detriment, and way too often for many people, physical or verbal abuse becomes part of life’s equation.

Heavenly Father does not want us in this kind of situation. He knows we’re not perfect and that we will get ourselves into trouble. This is why He tells us in Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT), “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”  The truth of this passage is one that every individual must have as part of their foundation for life.

Sometimes people cross the line and go way past the issue of carrying baggage. They resort to hurting those who love them most. This is evil, and when we’re in a situation that leads to this kind of bondage, many of us feel overwhelmed. We don’t know what to do, but God tells us exactly what to do and exactly what not to do in Proverbs 3:5-6. We don’t lean on our own understanding, but instead, we seek His Word to find out His Will, and we lean on Him to direct our paths.

In Matthew 16:19, Jesus Christ tells us that he’s given us the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. We have the keys to unlock doors that lead to all the abundance the Kingdom of God extends. These keys are in your possession. As you use them, don’t walk down corridors that lead to where and who you used to be, because you can never be again the person you were before your life took a different turn. But you CAN be renewed! You can be stronger and better through the love of God in Christ, and this is where you must place your confidence.

Don’t stay locked in a situation that undermines your right to walk in the liberty of Christ. Trust God with all your heart and seek His Will in all you do. When you use the keys according to His Word, you will loosen those things that keep you bound, and God will show you a way out. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Bound or Loosed”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2019. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

It’s Never Too Late!

Romans 13:10-11(NLT)
“10 Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law. 11 This is all the more urgent, for you know how late it is; time is running out. Wake up, for our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.”

In many abusive relationships, there is quite a bit of pretense going on. You learn to hide your pain, and no one knows how you’ve had to walk on eggshells just for a few minutes of peace. Around the holidays, things can become even more tense. The pressure on your finances to buy gifts, not to mention all the activities and festivities you may have to attend. You become very adapt at keeping up appearances to avoid any speculation or questions that suggest your relationship isn’t just as happy, secure, and loving as you want people to believe.

Of course, the truth for those in an abusive relationship is that their spouse or the significant person in their lives isn’t happy and loving; and the one thing your relationship isn’t or hasn’t been for a long time is secure. 

Psalm 40:2 tells us that God will draw us up from a pit of destruction, and He’ll pull us up out of the mud. He’ll put us on a solid rock and make sure we’re secure and won’t slip. No one can do this but the Lord. Psalm 16:8(NLT) tells us, “I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” God wants us to be confident in Him. He wants us to rest in His peace, provision, and comfort so that our minds can be focused and steady. When we’re living in constant fear and pretense, our minds are scattered, and often this is when we lose a sense of who we are in Christ.

Psalm 82:3-4 tells us that Heavenly Father will give justice to the weak and fatherless, that He will also do justice for the humble and poor; He will rescue those that are weak and in need, and deliver them from the hands of the wicked. The Lord wants us in a safe place in every way. He wants our minds and souls free and walking in the liberty Christ offers. But we have a part to play in this as well. In Revelations 3:2, Christ tells us to wake up and begin to strengthen ourselves in him before it is too late. We must stop pretending to walk in love, and actually start pursuing the truth of God's love everyday. This is the love He wants us walking in, and we can trust it with our whole hearts.  

So many of are making excuses and coming up with explanations for why we stay in abusive relationships. Some of us have done this a long time, and it will time to build our faith so that we’re courageous enough to leave. Know that God will not abandon us during this time. He is always with you, and through the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ, He will help you to grow in His faith and power. Do yourself the greatest favor this New Year and be committed to pray and talk to God often. Know that it’s never too late to grow in Christ. He loves you and has great plans for Your life. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“It's Never Too Late”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2019. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

With God, Nothing Is Impossible

Galatians 5:1 (MSG)
“Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.”

“I don’t want to leave my husband! I just want him to stop hurting me!”  This is what a family friend shared over the Thanksgiving holiday. She and her husband were high school sweethearts and got married immediately after graduating high school. They’ve been married for twenty years and have three children together.  About ten years into their marriage is when her husband started saying hurtful and demeaning things to her. He started slapping her face when they argued. Then one evening, his anger escalated, and he wouldn’t stop hitting her. Their oldest son jumped in to defend his mother.

Domestic violence and abuse is defined as violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse. But it also occurs in many relationships between couples that are not married. Studies suggests that an increasing number of teens experience abusive behavior during dating in high-school, and there are also many instances of it on college campuses as well. This is difficult to hear, and some ask why doesn’t the person that is being abused just leave. If it were that simple, the instances of domestic violence and abuse would not be increasing at the rate it is. Like many patterns in life, there are behaviors and mindsets around abuse that a person learns. If not addressed at the root, this behavior causes both the victim and abuser to become stuck in patterns that are destructive to their souls.

Society teaches us to believe we can have it all together, and that we don’t need to be spiritually strong through the Lord Jesus Christ. The reality is that all of us are weak and allowing ourselves to play any part in domestic violence and abuse is proof that we need the Lord’s help desperately. All of us are broken inside in some way. We can’t fix ourselves. It is impossible for us to come to Jesus Christ perfect. It doesn’t work that way. He tells us in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me!” We are to come as we are, broken and all, because only Jesus Christ can do a work on the inside of us through his Spirit. 

He also tells us in verse 29 of this same chapter to “Learn about me.” This is the part many of us neglect. Do you know that the greatest joy in all of life is to know Jesus? Getting to know him is not a chore, it is a wonderful blessing. We have learned many harmful things in life. We have been programmed by society to think a certain way, and we must allow the Spirit of God to reprogram us. Ephesians 4:23(KJV) puts it this way, it says, “And be renewed in the spirit of your mind.” Our minds must be made new! We must think new thoughts, so that we act and behave like Christ. 

Galatians 5:1(MSG) tells us, “Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.” A victim may be financially dependent on their abusive partner. Without money, or even a place to go, it can seem impossible for them to leave the relationship, but with God nothing is impossible, and we must trust Him with every nook and cranny of our hearts. His Word tells us that we must never allow someone to put a harness of slavery on us. This is exactly what an abusive relationship is—it’s a harness of slavery, designed to steal our joy and power so that we feel hopeless and helpless. We don’t have to live that way, because Jesus Christ has set us free to live a free life. He will help us take a stand if we will give ourselves to him completely. 

My friend is struggling to do what is right for her family. Her husband is not who he used to be, and only God knows why. But whatever it is that has caused him to harbor such anger, taking it out on his family is against the Will of God. Heavenly Father doesn’t want His people to be abused; and He doesn’t want a child to witness or be involved in an abusive situation with their parents. God’s love doesn’t hurt or cause pain. His love rescues us through the person of Jesus Christ. 

We must be encouraged that God has provided us a way out. In Mark 9:23(NLT), Jesus Christ said, ““What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” You and I are not perfect. Every moment of every day we are being perfected in Christ. But our Heavenly Father is indeed perfect, and we must believe wholeheartedly in His awesome power and let Him help us to walk in the liberty that Jesus Christ offers. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

“With God, Nothing is Impossible”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2019. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.