Love Is Not Supposed to Hurt

1Corinthians 13:4-8(NLT)
 “4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”

I had just flown home from visiting my family in the south. My two-year-old daughter was with me, and my soon to be ex-husband was on his way to pick us up from the airport. I knew it was going to be a rough night because while I was away, I’d called and told my husband I wanted a divorce. He didn’t take it well at all. My stomach was in my throat the entire flight home, and I dreaded the thought of being in his company, but at the time, I had nowhere else to go and had no other choice but to go home with my husband. 

I should have had a plan. I should have waited until details were in place before I declared that I wanted out, but I was young. I really didn’t care about a plan, I just wanted to breathe, and I felt like I hadn’t done that in a very long time. Whenever my ex was upset, it seemed to me that everything in the environment conspired with his rage. He yelled. He punched the walls or anything in his reach, and sometimes that ‘anything in his reach’ was me. I had been on the receiving end of his anger and punches for so long that I didn’t even feel that it was me living my life anymore. I was a shell of who I once was but managed to preserve a little piece of that woman for my daughter.

That night was horrible. I thought I had braced myself for it, but there was really no way to do that. I was a punching bag the entire ride home, and it got worse. That night resulted in another domestic dispute. The police were called, and he was arrested.

I can’t say for sure how I ended up with a man who abuses, but I remember people telling me when we were dating that “He loves hard.” I wasn’t wise enough during that time to equate those words with other words like obsession, jealousy, anger, rage, and out of control, but I certainly learned the hard way. As individuals that have been abused and are being abused, we need to know that there are other ways to learn the lessons of life and love, and those ways  do not involve things like pain, abuse, and suffering. 

One of the first things that we learn about God’s love is the reality of His kindness and patience.  He tells us in 1Corinthians 13:4-5 that love is not jealous, abusive, belligerent, vengeful, irritable, or hurtful. Love is patient and kind, and this is the way our Heavenly Father loves us. It’s the way He wants others to love us, and it’s the way He wants us to love others as well. We learn from God’s example that love isn’t supposed to hurt. Love should nurture us and make us better people. We often think of love as this romantic and emotional ooey-gooey-ness that makes our hearts flutter like butterflies. That stuff is fun of course, but it’s too vacillating and fleeting to match the quality, longevity, and stability of real love. 1John 4:8 tells us that God is love. He’s the definitive authority on the subject, so we don’t get to put our own spin on how love looks and operates. He’s told us what love is, and based on His truth, we can discern and understand when we’re not being treated with love, and when we, ourselves, are not operating in love.

Jesus Christ lived by God’s love. He left us a perfect and lasting example of how to do that. The twelve disciples that were taught by him also closely walked and talked with him during his ministry on earth, and he loved them very much. In John 13:34(NLT), he told them, “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” Our beautiful and beloved Lord and Savior set love in perpetual and continuous motion by commanded us to carry on loving just the way that he did. Because of the enduring and powerful love of God that our Master demonstrated, we have the distinct privilege and responsibility to let God’s love be our life’s goal and work.

Just because someone tells us that they love us, it doesn’t mean it’s true. Love doesn’t hurt or make us feel bad about ourselves, and this is a lesson that we don’t have to learn the hard way. It is not God’s Will for His children to live a life of suffering and despair. He gave the life of our precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, as a sacrifice for our lives so that we can live abundantly! This is how much God loves us. He has made it overwhelmingly clear He has stamped us deserving of love. This is the way He sees us, and we must learn to see ourselves this way. We are worthy to be loved, because this is what God tells us. When we believe this in our hearts and begin to live by His love and Word, we will make wiser choices and decisions, and only accept the kind of love that doesn’t hurt. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Love Is Not Supposed to Hurt”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2023. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Let Go of the Baggage

 

James 1:5(ESV)
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

Noemi is a girlfriend of mine, and we decided to go out to dinner together to catch up. We were just finishing up when her boyfriend, Jake, called to say that he would need to break their plans for the weekend. He’s a truck driver, so she’s used to him being on the road, but this time, she felt things were different. He’s been distant lately. At times, she says his attitude and words are hurtful and aggressive. She told me, “I think he may have found someone else! He’s just not the same, and I don’t know what I’m going to do! I really need him in my life!” When will we understand the only person that we truly really need in our lives is Jesus Christ? Without knowing him and his love, we can be easily deceived into thinking that another human being can give us what only God can.

We read it in romance novels and see it on just about every form of media out there. Through them all, women are taught to make the significant man in their lives their everything, and this is never a good move. When we believe our prayers are answered, and we find someone that appears to be compatible, some of take all our eggs and put them in his basket, so to speak. We immediately invest times, energy, and other resources into this man, without a green light from the Lord that this is the man God has sent.

As women, we should be confident that our eggs are well preserved and beautifully adorned. These eggs are representative of wonderful goodies like our spiritual well-being in Christ and our level of confidence and authority in our Blessed Redeemer. They also represent our womanhood, self-esteem, and our capacity to love, grow, and thrive in God’s peace. As you can see, our eggs are very valuable, and this is the way we ought to view them. Placing all our eggs in a man’s basket without investigating the condition of his basket or his capacity to handle one, is not wise, and it often leads to heartbreak.

Is the heartbreak worth it?
Proverbs 4:7(NLT) tells us, “Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” Our Heavenly Father is a God of order, and He leaves nothing to chance. He’s set the priority that leads us to a fulfilling and meaningful existence, and this priority is wisdom. It’s the principal things, which means it must be the first step in acquiring all that God has for us. Proverbs 1:7(NLT) says, “Fear of the LORD is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” We should never want it to be said that we will not listen and despise wisdom and discipline. Wisdom is more than just acquiring knowledge. It’s the right and proper use of the knowledge we’ve acquired; and honoring and reverencing God is where it all starts.

We must be wise, especially in relationships, and we must seek understanding from God’s Word so that we can accurately use the wisdom we’ve acquired. Without wisdom we make mistakes, and this is where heartbreaks makes its grand entrance. Without wisdom, we invest our resources and energies into a man that was never meant for us. We allow his baggage to become our baggage, and we become so weighted down that we can’t see straight. Then, when things inevitably crumble, and he decides he no longer values what we have to give, some of us use this as an excuse to fall apart. It’s important for us to know that we’re the ones to decide how we’re going to respond to heartbreak. We have a choice. We can continue to spiral, or we can release the baggage and choose to trust wholeheartedly in God. We can choose to believe in the strength and power He’s given us through Jesus Christ.

There can be no question that we learn from our mistakes, but there can also be no doubt that it’s best not to make the mistake in the first place. Mistakes often cause us to lose time, momentum, and stamina. This is especially true with heartbreak. It’s not worth it to put ourselves through heartbreak when it can be avoided. James 1:5 gives us a strategy for choosing the right person for our lives. It tells us that if we don’t know or we’re unsure, ask God, and He will not be upset if we keep asking for His wisdom and help. Our Heavenly Father will let you know what you’re working with because He wants you to avoid heartbreak and to have a blessed and bountiful existence.

Jesus Christ told the disciples in Mark 11:22-23(NLT), “22 Have faith in God. 23 I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.” God is our everything, and no human being deserves or can handle the heft of that distinction. A human being can’t make you, and if the man leaves you tomorrow, that’s not going to break you. God is your sufficiency and the Source of your blessings. Have faith in Him. He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to save us from the destruction of sin. So, let go of the baggage. You might have thought it was a basket, but it was baggage you don’t need. Let it go, be more committed to grow in Christ, and always let God’s wisdom be your guide.■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

"Let Go of the Baggage”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2023. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

 

Begging Is Not the Answer

2Corinthians 12:7-9(NLT)
“ 7 even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. 8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

In 2Corinthians 12:7-9, the Apostle Paul made a very interesting statement. He said that he was glad to boast about his weaknesses, so that the power of Christ could work through him. This points to all of us who believe our successes and triumphs in life are all about our own efforts. It also points to those of us who think that we can make ourselves perfect or righteous. We can do neither of those things. Whenever we depend on ourselves or others to do what only God can, we’re due for a refresher course in God’s grace. We must understand that His power works best in our weakness, and that we achieve and succeed according to His Will and only by His power.

God is our Provider
Philippians 4:19(ESV) says, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” This is God’s promise! He is our Provider and He takes care of us, His children. God’s provision isn’t dependent on our behavior or good deeds, and this is one of the reasons we can be glad to boast about our weaknesses, because we don’t always get it right, and He blesses us any way. God sent our Lord and Savior to the earth to save us, to do for us what we could not do for ourselves. Ephesians 2:8(NLT) says, “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” Salvation through Jesus Christ is a free gift. Because of God’s amazing grace, He’s saved us, and there’s nothing we can do about it. We can’t boast about something we didn’t or couldn’t do ourselves. It was God’s good pleasure to save us, and He delights in providing for us. We should demonstrate our gratitude for all He’s done every day of our lives.

None of us are perfect. Romans 3:23(NLT) tells us, “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard.” All of us have sinned and done things wrong. Of course, our Heavenly Father doesn’t want us to do this. He wants us to live by the example of Jesus Christ and to do, speak, feel, and behave the way that Jesus did when he carried forth his ministry on earth. Sometimes we get it right, but a lot of the times, we get it wrong. God’s remedy for our getting it wrong is repentance. He wants us to repent from our wrong actions. These means, He wants us to change our minds and hearts about doing wrong, so that we make different and better choices according to the example of Christ.

God wants us to come to Him with this heart of repentance and humility and seek His forgiveness. 1John 1:9(ESV) says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Ephesians 1:7(NLT) also says, “He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins.” So, the Good News is that God forgives us when we get it wrong, and He expects us to renew our minds, which means to change our thoughts, so that we line up with who God has created us to be.

Romans 3:25-26(NLT) says, “For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus.” Because of what God has accomplished for us through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we have right standing with Him. We don’t have to beg for what He has already provided; we simply have to trust in what He’s provided.

Life can be tough sometimes. It has triumphant highs and devastating lows. In the face of all this, we’re often emotional when we come to God in prayer, but begging doesn’t move Him, our faith does. All of us have our own struggles, but God tells us in Philippians 4:6(NLT), “Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” So, when it comes to drawing near to God and pleasing Him, begging is not the answer. He loves us and wants us to have confidence that He is greater than any problem we will ever face, and He’s willing and able to help us. We simply need to open our mouths and tell Him what we need, and do so with hearts that are filled with gratitude and faith in Him and His love for us all.■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

"Begging Is Not the Answer”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2023. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.