This is Not What I Signed Up For

 

Isaiah 43:15-19 (NLT)

“15 I am the Lord, your Holy One, Israel’s Creator and King. 16 I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. 17 I called forth the mighty army of Egypt with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned, their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick. 18 “But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. 19 For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this situation – every time I turn around there’s a problem to deal with. I can’t take it anymore. This is not the Christian walk I signed up for!”

My family of eight once lived in a four-bedroom, two-bathroom home that accommodated our needs quite nicely. A few years went by and we downsized to a two bedroom, one-bathroom rental home. In addition to downsizing our space, not long after, the size of my family decreased as well because of a difficult divorce. The mental and emotional twists and turns squeezed us in ways that even shocked me. I married a man with three children, and at first, the combining households appeared to work seamlessly, but in no way was I prepared for how quickly the newly marital bliss would turn into marital hell on earth.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into long arduous months of daily competitions between the children, and then between my husband and me. I prayed all the time for God to help me get through it all, but the turmoil at home hardly ever let up. It was despair day after day, and I felt as if I was drowning in it. I did what many others do when they realize that the unexpected craziness and devastating disappointment of life is beyond our capacity to handle it, I blamed God. I became depressed, upset, and angry. Although I may not have spoken it out loud, I was angry with the Lord for allowing things to go so badly for me. And at the same time, I knew I desperately needed Him to do something new in my life.

I was angry because I expected things to be different, and more to the point, I expected to be happy. When I wasn’t happy, but miserable, I thought to myself, “this is not what I signed up for.” I didn’t just feel this way about my marriage, I felt that way about almost everything. I had heard about surrendering to God through Jesus Christ all my Christian life, but I didn’t understand what it meant until I had no other choice but to do just that.

When you grow up in an abusive home, you somehow assume that you will avoid making those same mistakes. This is one of the most insidious characteristics about the tricks of the devil, because he uses our fears and doubts to set us up for failure. God warns us in 1Peter 5:8 to stay alert and watch out for the devil, because he prowls, just like a lion; he’s looking for someone that he can destroy. The question that you and I have to ask is how the devil distinguishes his prey. The answer is that he looks for those that are still living with fear in their hearts and are allowing this fear to call the shots. In other words, he looks for folks that make decisions and steer their own paths instead of allowing God to direct every aspect of their lives.

Fear belongs to the devil; he owns it. If I own a house, I get to control everything in it. When you or I play around with something the devil owns, he knows it because we’re dabbling around in his territory. As women, we are sometimes afraid to be alone, and once we become intrenched in a relationship, even when we’re being abused, we stay because of fear. God tells us to release everything that belongs to the devil. In Hebrews 12:1(NLT), He tells us, through the Apostle Paul, that because we’ve witnessed the examples of others that have walked by faith, we should model their example. Paul tells us to “strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”

God sets the race that you and I should run, but many of us have our own ideas about life and what we want to do with it. God is very patient with us, because He is always willing to come to our aid, but the spiritual lessons of patience and humility will continue throughout our lives. We must recognize that the enemy wants us to stay in a cycle of fear and doubt, so that we never surrender to God. Bondage and suffering is what the devil wants to cause in all our lives, but if we give ourselves to Heavenly Father by being obedient to His Word and following the example of Christ, we will walk in the Spirit’s power and become what God wants us to be. 

It wasn’t until after my divorce that I realized the trap I had fallen into because of the choices I made. Sometimes, we need to change in ways we are not conscious about right now. James 1:5 says that if we lack wisdom, we must ask God, because He gives it to us generously, and He will not be angry with us for asking. There isn’t a better time than the present to ask God to teach us the spiritual lessons we need to learn so that we won’t go down the wrong path. If we are humble, and if we earnestly desire to please Him above all else, God will keep our feet from falling. He will set us on the right path. 

When Jesus Christ is the head of our lives, and we are serious about our relationships with God, Heavenly Father will transform us from the inside out. A different way of living, behaving, thinking and speaking is required, and it makes all the difference in life. But you won’t engage this process until you pray and ask God to help you see the things that you need to see. We aren’t perfect and God knows this, but He requires our willingness to let Him do the heavy lifting of transforming us. This means we must be on board with His agenda for our lives. Do yourself a favor and trust God to turn your life around. Doing your part only requires that you follow His lead.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“This Is Not What I Signed Up For”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2020. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.