When Your Relationship Doesn’t Work Out

 

1John 4:18(NLT)
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”

"How do we get the most out of love that we possibly can without getting hurt?"

Finding the kind of love that we want for ourselves is a very important part of our lives, and most of us want to control it. We want to be in a relationship with a person that has the capacity to love us in a certain way, and we also have expectations about other attributes they might have, like looks, wealth, and intelligence. Most of us never consider the amount of expectations we place on a relationship before it actually gets off the ground. We also don’t think about the pressure we’re placing on ourselves to ensure the relationship’s success. Only when things go haywire and end up being far from what we expected will we realize that many elements in a relationship simply can’t be controlled. We desperately need to learn this lesson now. Doing so will save us a whole lot of heartbreak in the future. 

Do you know what love is?

We see it in fairy tales and movies, and we read about it in romance novels. It’s the love that rescues the damsel in distress and causes her to be blissfully fulfilled the rest of her life. A true definition of love is never really articulated in those fairy tales and romance novels. It’s depicted as an intense feeling that we can’t do without. The giver of this great love really floats our boats. Like the damsel in distress, we are led to believe that without receiving the love of a gallant, noble, and handsome as heck prince, we’re incomplete. It isn't realistic, but most of us hold on to it without exploring the depth of giving and receiving something lasting and real.

1John 4:18 tells us that describing love as just a feeling or an emotion doesn’t cut it. This verse isn’t referring to those ooey gooey feelings that flutter away in our tummies like butterflies. Those are yummy, there’s no doubt about it, but they are also fleeting. They are feelings of affection and passion that can go as quickly as they came. These feelings are not a strong enough foundation to build a relationship that will last.     

1John 4:8(NLT) says, “But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”  This is a simple verse, but it carries enough to feed us knowledge and truth for an eternity. God IS love. He’s the Originator of love. It all comes from Him. So 1John 4:8 takes the definition of love out of our own personal interpretations. This verse skyrockets the definition of love to levels beyond our imaginations, because God’s love has no limitations, and the power of His love has created all that we survey. This kind of love squashes whatever definitions we may have concocted about how love behaves. 1John 4:10(NLT) declares, “This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.”

What’s your capacity to love?
Before we can even begin to talk about the kind of love we hope to receive, we must be confident in the kind of love that we, ourselves, are giving. 1John 4:12(NLT) informs, “No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.”  Again, the love that God is teaching us about is His love. When we accept His Son, Jesus Christ, as our personal Lord and Savior, his Spirit comes to live inside our body temples. 1John 4:13(NLT) tells us, “And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us.”  God lives in us through His Holy Spirit. This means that we have access to the fullness of His love, and this is monumentally good news!

We are commanded by Jesus Christ to love others through the love of God. This means that we are to love without fear, and God has empowered us to love this way. It’s a completely new and wonderful way of walking in love, but because many of us are so used to seeing love as an emotional risk, we miss the joy and confidence of God’s love altogether. 

When an individual views love as a risk, he or she is more concerned about what they are receiving than what they are giving. This is not a position of authority and power, but one of fear. Jesus Christ taught us that love operates in the complete opposite. He tells us that it is more blessed to give than to receive. This points the finger in our direction. God has given us the capacity to love through Jesus Christ, and we must examine our own motives and desires to ascertain whether we’re loving through Christ or through emotions that are mostly self-serving. 

Let it go
When a relationship doesn’t work out, it hurts like the dickens, but we can’t afford to wallow in self-pity and sadness. We should give ourselves a time limit for grieving, and once that short while is up, the heartbreak and sadness ends! It’s time to learn what God wants to teach us about His love. 

You’ve already seen the results of your brand of love. It’s wonderful and all, but God’s love is the only glue strong enough to hold a relationship together. Don’t build walls around your heart because someone broke it. Instead, build your faith in God. Let Him restore your heart and make it your priority to look forward to brighter days ahead. There are many reasons that we choose to hold on to the hurt. We keep going over it repeatedly, thinking that we did something wrong, or that we weren’t enough. We may even think we’re being punished. None of these are true. We are enough because we are complete in Christ. God isn't punishing us, He loves us to pieces. So, we must be courageous, because it doesn’t do us any good to blame ourselves or the other person.

The reality is that learning about God’s love protects our hearts, and not knowing enough about His love causes us to make the wrong choices. Some of the people we attach ourselves to are not meant to journey further with us. We need to let them go, and trust God that life will be sweeter. When our priority is to please God and to seek Him in all that we attempt to do, He will help us to make the right choices. As we grow in our knowledge of Him, we will better discern His plan and Will for our lives. And yes, heartbreak happens. It’s a part of life and sometimes we must go through it, but the operative words are “go through it.” When our faith is firmly anchored in God, we’ll always come out victorious on the other side. We’ll have a deeper love for Him, and a greater capacity to give His love to others.   

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“When Your Relationship Doesn't Work Out”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Call on God Now

 

Isaiah 55:6-7(NLT)
“Seek the Lord while you can find him.  Call on him now while he is near.  7; Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong.  Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them.  Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously.”

“Leave it in God’s Hands baby, He’ll fix it.”

Those are the words my mother gave me when I was thirty-four years old and deep in depression. I’d been divorced for three years and found myself in another relationship with a man that loved me, but not enough for a real commitment. He was a blues artist and traveled the world for a living. We saw each other whenever he came home off the road. His gigs would last for weeks at a time, but for two years, we had the best relationship I ever had, or so I thought. He said to me, “We have the kind of relationship that most married folks only dream of.” This declaration was meant to appease me every time I’d mention marriage. He’d say, “We shouldn’t spoil a good thing by bringing marriage into the picture.” For a while this worked, but as time progressed, I had to face the reality that he didn’t hold me in a place of honor and respect in his life.  

Needless to say, I was heartbroken that he didn’t want to marry me. I blamed myself for not being enough for him, and I just couldn’t be satisfied with the way he saw me no matter how hard I tried. I knew that the relationship was not going to go anywhere, and I ended things. Looking back, I realize that I placed great expectations on this man’s love. I wanted it to have depth, compassion, and an uncompromising loyalty. I wanted it to fill the place in my heart that all of us reserve for someone truly special to us. He couldn’t be that for me, and I was crushed. I was in a dark place for a long time. 

No one would argue that a broken heart can be very difficult to overcome. Your mind is consumed with regrets, and you desperately want the pain to go away. The disappointment overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t imagine putting myself at risk like that again. I didn’t want to hear anything about meeting another man and avoided relationships like the plague. After a while, I realized that I had substituted fear for the pain of heartbreak, and the fear was a greater sadness than the disappointment.  

2Timothy 1:7(ESV) tells us, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” I thought I was afraid of getting hurt again, but I was more afraid of my inability to love without conditions and expectations. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to exercise self-control, but instead, I might be a slave to whether someone thought I was worthy of their love. 

It’s terrible when we allow another person to determine or undermine our self-worth. 1Corinthians 7:23 (NIV) informs us, “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings.” Our liberty was purchased by the blood of God’s Son, Jesus Christ. He gave his life on the cross as a sacrifice for our sins. 1Corinthians 6:20(NLT) says, “For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” God, our Father, has redeemed us from eternal death and darkness. He paid the highest price imaginable for our freedom, He gave the life of His only begotten Son. By the sacrifice God has made for us, He has informed us of our value. He etched it in stone for all eternity, and no one can undo what He has done.  

We should never look to a human being to tell us our worth. God has established this already. Our privilege and responsibility are to walk in what God has done for us through Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:2(NIV) instructs, “and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” 

The promises in God’s Word give us peace and comfort from heartbreak. When we have faith in His love, it cancels out fear. His love is the only remedy for all our disappointment, sadness, and pain, and His Word soothes our souls. Isaiah 55:6-7 encourages us to seek God while we can find him. This is such an important word for us. Faith comes from reading and hearing God’s Word, and we need faith in God to do anything and everything in life. When we do not study and read God’s Word, our minds may not be renewed to His promises. This means that we may not have the spiritual strength and stamina needed for the issues of life, because we haven’t built our faith in His Word.  

When we haven’t built the faith to trust and believe what God says, we may lack the spiritual strength to deal with hurtful issues. Then, when our minds are frantic with grief, and our hearts are breaking, we can get in such a state that we won’t seek God. Our minds and hearts might tell us He doesn’t care, and when this happens, we sink further into an abyss of hurt and pain. We’re far from Him, but He is never far from us. All we need to do is reach out to Him in humility and reverence, but many of us won’t do this.  

1Corinthians 14:33(NLT) tells us, “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace, as in all the meetings of God’s holy people.” Confusion in our personal lives means there are areas where we need to invite God’s healing and love. He will encourage us step outside the prison of pain and fear, and to come into the glorious light of Jesus Christ. If you are in the depth of despair and disappointment, call on God now! He is near, so draw near to Him. His grace and mercy are everything we need. Cling to Him, and you find joy and peace, and He will give you the faith to begin again, and through His Word you will learn to love yourself and others through Christ.  

 Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“Call on God Now”, written by Kim for https://rescuefromdomesticviolence.blogspot.com© 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.